Tuesday, August 18, 2009

August 7, 2009

Today is Josh’s day to be with his mama after he asked to stay home with me. He didn’t want to go to the summer camp with his brothers and sister. He just wanted to be with his mama alone. He was very emotional last night because he didn’t win any prize from the Sonoma-Marin Fair game booths with his ten dollars for his mama. He has been troubled by the fact that I have illness that may or may not be cured…I refused to give any false hope to my children. I wanted to be honest with my children from the start so they would understand what was happening to this family in their own way and time. For sure, they know that their mama loves them very very much and will always be there for them no matter what. Josh is the second born son taking this harder than the others so he made himself to grow up too soon and be a man of the house. My little white man who is always serious about the responsibilities with sense of humor but at times…he is just too serious when he doesn’t have to be too serious about anything.

He helped me making apple pie by peeling apples for me while I made the pie crust. He sampled a slice of apple pie and declared that I made the best apple pie ever. He was such a sweet boy today for being himself around his mama. We spent time together alone and he absolutely loved it. He had his mama all to himself for the day. We talked a bit and he kept asking me if he could sleep with me but I hesitated due to my coughs in the middle of the night. Not wanting to sound selfish to him so I told him maybe that I would think about it and was concerned that I might wake him up.

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